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Hellhound Sauce
Double Pack Reapers
Double Pack Reapers
Regular price
$25.00 NZD
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$25.00 NZD
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Gather round, my darlings. Tonight I’m offering something rarer than a virgin in my kingdom: the Reaper’s Reserve & Reaper’s Rise Dual Pack.
Two bottles. One tragic, delicious little love story. And both hotter than the tantrum Lucifer threw when I outbid him for the recipe.It started with a Reaper. Not your garden-variety psychopomp; this one was a woman, all smoke and scythe and legs for days. She guarded the fiercest chilies in the afterlife: golden Carolina Reapers that grew along the banks of the Phlegethon, fed on screams instead of sunlight. I asked nicely for a handful. She laughed, told me to sod off, and threatened to reap my tongue.So I did what any reasonable King of Hades would do: I seduced her with a single taste of the sauce I’d already made from the few peppers I’d nicked. One drop of Reaper’s Reserve (a modest 10 on the Scoville scale of “please, God, no”) and she was on her knees.
Two bottles. One tragic, delicious little love story. And both hotter than the tantrum Lucifer threw when I outbid him for the recipe.It started with a Reaper. Not your garden-variety psychopomp; this one was a woman, all smoke and scythe and legs for days. She guarded the fiercest chilies in the afterlife: golden Carolina Reapers that grew along the banks of the Phlegethon, fed on screams instead of sunlight. I asked nicely for a handful. She laughed, told me to sod off, and threatened to reap my tongue.So I did what any reasonable King of Hades would do: I seduced her with a single taste of the sauce I’d already made from the few peppers I’d nicked. One drop of Reaper’s Reserve (a modest 10 on the Scoville scale of “please, God, no”) and she was on her knees.
Not praying, mind you. Begging. More. Hotter. Burn me again.
I gave her another hit. Then another. She kept coming back, trading bushels of her precious reapers for just one more bottle, until even a 10 wasn’t enough to scratch the itch. She wanted to feel something the living could never survive.So I obliged.I set her on fire myself. Beautiful job, really; she burned like a phoenix having the best time of her un-life. When the flames died down, she rose from the ashes reborn, skin glowing like molten gold, eyes black as the void, carrying the single hottest sauce ever bottled: Reaper’s Rise, clocking in at an arrogant, blasphemous 11. She walks the earth now, whispering temptations in dive bars and five-star kitchens alike, daring mortals to take a taste of the heat that killed her… and made her immortal.The Dual Pack tells her story in two chapters:
Who wants to dance with the Reaper tonight?Yours in glorious, screaming heat,
Crowley
King of Hades, occasional arsonist, and the demon who turned a Reaper into the best customer I’ve ever had.
- Reaper’s Reserve – The seduction. The fall. Pure, concentrated 10-out-of-10 reaper madness with a smoky pomegranate finish. This is the one that broke her.
- Reaper’s Rise – The resurrection. The “oh dear Satan what have I done.” Eleven. There is no twelve. There doesn’t need to be.
Who wants to dance with the Reaper tonight?Yours in glorious, screaming heat,
Crowley
King of Hades, occasional arsonist, and the demon who turned a Reaper into the best customer I’ve ever had.
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